15 things that always happen in a Poulsbo heatwave

It might just be the hottest week of the year in the Pacific Northwest, which means people all over Poulsbo are behaving in entirely predictable ways. Here are 15 things you’ll probably notice while the warm weather lasts.

1. You wake with a raging thirst, having gotten over-excited by the balmy evening and guzzling down one too many local brews last night.

2. You select your attire based on its sweat-concealing abilities. Heather grey = bad. Monochrome = better.

3. You spend the day feeling completely fatigued from a bad night’s sleep, tossing, turning and huffing on top of clammy covers. You vow to buy a fan for the bedroom and/or get the A/C fixed, but never actually do because everyone knows it doesn’t ever get hot in the PNW. This scene is repeated annually right about this time of year.

4. You debate whether to kayak, swim or standup paddle into work today. Because you know, that’s a thing that actually happens around here. 

5. You observe the thinly disguised efforts of knowledge workers everywhere pretending to work outside, i.e. clamoring for a window seat, patch of grass, or viewside spot at the Poulsbohemian with their laptop, only to spend the day squinting at screen glare and silently cursing those sunglasses that have got to be somewhere. You may or may not be one of these people.

6. You feel for the thousands of hot, sweaty, exasperated Pacific Northwesterners running to safety in any (rare) place of air conditioning available. Primarily the office that you once dreaded, the frozen aisle at the grocery store and Poulsbo City Hall (thank you Mayor Becky). Again, you may or may not be one of these people. #nojudgement

7. Doors banging randomly around the house, due to all the windows being open. Vow to buy doorstops, but never actually do.

8. You begin dreaming of what life will be like next summer, when you can work—glare-free, banging door-free—from the comfort of the second floor covered balcony at Vibe Coworks. Or one of many breezy indoor spots beside gigantic operable windows and perfectly placed ceiling fans. Ah-mazing.

9. You begin sending emphatic rounds of applause to the construction workers on Poulsbo’s 8th Avenue, fiercely braving the heat and determined in their task of getting Vibe’s new digs built while dreaming of shadier, more forgiving job sites next summer… (thank you TRC crew!) 

10. Flip flops worn by colleagues at work: you stare and them disapprovingly, then decide s/he may actually be on to something. 

11. You unwittingly send envious stares at those smug people who can finally use their convertible cars, swiftly followed by mildly entertaining thoughts of them getting pooped on by a Liberty Bay seagull. 

12. You throw all diets to the wind and willingly enduring long lines at Mora, because well, you really *must* follow the advice of heatwave experts to eat cool foods, and when one of the state’s best ice cream shops is right here in Poulsbo…
13. You bemoan the incessant social media posts containing cocktails, cold beers, screenshots of the weather app and pathetic complaints about when the rain will return. Because, you know, we don’t get enough of that the other 10 months out of the year. 

14. You fall victim to the grocery wars at Central Market in the race to buy meat and special offer multi-packs of lager for the grill before there’s a run on all things BBQ. 

15. You actually start praying for rain, “for the garden”—as only a true Pacific Northwesterner can do.

Good luck out there, Poulsbo. Stay cool.